If you’re going to snow, snow hard. If you’re not going to snow, don’t snow at all. I’m tired of all this snow for a day, melt the next bullpoo. Ooh, and when you do decide to snow, start at like, 3 in the morning next weekish so I don’t have to go to school.
My dad must be God-like. He never does anything wrong. He never misplaces the remote, he never leaves a light on, he doesn’t leave the sink running while he brushes his teeth. He is inhumanly perfect.
At least that’s what he thinks.
You see, my dad has it backwards. The truth is that my dad humanly imperfect. He doesn’t understand that it is okay to make mistakes. Though it’s rare, it’s okay to say that you’re sorry. He’d kill himself before he admitted he did something wrong. Even if the mistake is as clear as day, he’ll blame it on everything and everyone he can before he has to say that he messed up. Not even that he’s sorry.
One he told me that sometimes he feels like I don’t like him or something. Of course, I sympathized. But it’s the truth. I guess I should love my dad for giving me a roof to live under and food and everything. But he’s never been there for me to talk to like most dads. He even told me that he cares more about himself than he does anyone else, because if he’s not taken care of, he can’t take care of anyone else. It just hurts my feelings. Tell me why I shouldn’t have a hard time loving him. It’d be so much easier if I could see how hard he was trying to connect with me and help me out and be closer to me, but I know he doesn’t try. And he doesn’t want to.
A dad is a person who is supposed to be there through thick and thin because they want to be. Not because they have to be. They’re supposed to keep you in line, but give you wiggle room to laugh and joke and hang out. They’re supposed to try as hard as they can to put the world in their loved ones hands.
I know that when I’m a parent, I’ll be completely ready to accept the responsibility of having a child. I’ll love it, and teach it things, and learn things from it. I’ll balance work and fun, and listen to every word they have to say. I’ll take it’s thoughts, feelings and opinions into consideration. I’ll try as hard as I can to make it happy, and give it as many opportunities as possible while keeping it safe. I’ll work my hardest to be the best mom around.
If I can’t look at my dad as to what a good parent should look like, I just won’t look at him at all. I’ll look elsewhere.
They’re mean, rude, inconsiderate, and selfish. I know first hand. I don’t exactly expect anything less, but I don’t think I should have such low expectations for every single one of them. Everything in the girl world is a competition. Who looks better than who, who dated who first, who knows about who/what better, who does this better, who can out do who, it’s a big, disgusting world that us girls have to live in. And if you’re a girl and reading this, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Guys, on the other hand, would not. They see one side of things, and that’s the only side. They have there own little boy world, but it’s not nearly as complicated and disturbing as what you’d see in the girl world. They punch each other in the face, and it’s over. Girls? We tear each other apart, and pick at feelings. It could go on for years, if worked at hard enough. We stab each other in the backs, and made each other feel like absolute crap. (indirectly, of course.) And I’m just completely tired of it. It makes me sick that girls always pick on me, and try to tear me apart. I’m just the perfect target. I have it all. And I’m not scared to admit that. Girls want that. But instead of trying to achieve something of their own, and to make their lives worth something, they try to make mine miserable. And I’m not okay with that.
So stop. Stop commenting me on Myspace, trying to take me out by saying something about Kenny and I, like that you used to date him or whatever. I don’t care. I’m dating him now, and there’s way too strong of a bond between us for anyone to break by simply Myspace’n me. It’s pathetic at its best. Stop giving me looks in the hallway. Stop trying to bring me down by saying things like that you don’t like how I talk, or how I dress. It doesn’t matter to me what you think of me. Being rude and obnoxious and “bad ass” doesn’t make you cool. So stop acting like you don’t care. You care. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be on my life like this. If you’re so great, and you have better things to do, go do them. Leave me alone. And better than that, leave my life alone.
Ten Favorite Places To Be: 1. In my bed. 2. On Kenny’s basement couch. 3. In Alex’s house. 4. In the shower. 5. On the toilet. 6. In a bathtub. 7. In my room. 8. On this half wall in my living room. 9. Under the Christmas tree. 10. Under Cheddar. :3
Nine ‘Weird’ Things About You:
1. Touches on the shoulder give me shivers. 2. Loud noises make me cry. 3. I love the GAP commercials. 4. I wish I knew how to do my own laundry. 5. I cry when fat black men die in movies. 6. I think toe socks are adorable. 7. I love public speaking. 8. Feet are cute. 9. I hate shoes.
Eight New Year Resolutions:
8. Be nicer. 7. Make new friends. 6. Eat healthier. 5. Understand algebra. 4. Become more understanding. 3. Have fun. 2. Have balance. 1. Have more adventures. Seven Things I’m Thinking Of: 7. Kenny. 6. How Nana is becoming one of my best friends. 5. How to be a better person. 4. Why doesn’t my dad just share the frickin’ steak. Selfish. 3. Why doesn’t my cell phone charge for long? 2. Why can’t Pepper be as cuddly as Cheddar? 1. I’m hungry.
Six Things You’re Wearing Right Now: 6. Socks. 5. Pants. 4. Undies. 3. Cami. 2. Shirt. 1. Hair.
Five Things I’m Worried about: 5. Algebra. 4. Fighting with Kenny. 3. Throwing up. 2. Spiders. 1. Mr. O’Brien.
Four Things On My Floor Right Now: 4. Purple monkey. 3. Rug. 2. Underpants. 1. A towel.
Three Things I Want To Do Today: 3. Watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 2. Work out. 1. Finish something for Kenny before Christmas. :) Two Things I’ll Reveal: 1. I wish Mcdonalds wouldn’t make me feel so sick sometimes. 2. I will probably want to cry if you ask me to calm down. One Secret I’ll Share: 1. Rejection is one of my biggest fears.
I’m loud. I’m obnoxious. I’m sarcastic. I’m cocky. I cry easily. I have a bad temper. For the most part, I don’t like people. I’m easy to get along with. I like to fight. I have more enemies than friends. I drink coffee. I clean my room daily.
My Appearance I’m shorter than 5’5. I wear makeup. I wear a piece of jewelry at all times. I wear contacts. I wear glasses. I’ve had braces. I have braces. I change my hair color often. I straighten my hair often. My ears are pierced. I have small feet.
Relationships I’m in a relationship now. I’m single. I’m crushin’. I’ve missed an ex before. I’m always scared of being hurt. An ex has physically abused me at least once. I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t. I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did. I’ve been in love more than two times. I believe in love at first sight. I believe lust is more important than love.
Friendships I have a best friend. I have at least ten friends. I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend. I’ve beaten up a friend. I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend. I can trust at least five people with my life.
Experiences I’ve been on a plane. I’ve been on a train. I’ve left the state/province. Someone close to me has died. I’ve taken a taxi. I’ve taken a city bus. I’ve taken a school bus. I’ve gone bungee jumping. I’ve made a speech. I’ve been in some sort of club. I’ve won an award. I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight. I’ve been in a physical fight.
Music I listen to country. I listen to pop. I listen to techno. I listen to rock. I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it. I hate the radio. I download music. I buy CD’s.
Television I spend at least six hours a day watching television. I watch soap operas daily. I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives. I’ve seen and like The OC. I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill. I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model. I’ve seen and like Popular. I’ve seen and like House. I’ve seen and like 24. I’ve seen and like CSI. I’ve seen and like Everwood.
Family Life I get along with both of my parents. My biological parents are still together. I have at least one brother. I have at least one sister. I have at least one step brother/sister. I have at least one half brother/sister. I’ve been kicked out of the house. I’ve ran away from my home. I’ve sworn at my parents. I’ve made my parents cry. I’ve lied to my parents. I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing. I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out. I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.
Hair I’ve cut my hair in the past year. I’ve dyed my hair in the past year. I’ve been blonde. I’ve had black. I’ve been red. I’ve been light brown. I’ve been medium brown. I’ve been brown. I’ve had streaks. I’ve had purple/pink. I’ve been blue/green. I’ve gotten my hair thinned. I use conditioner. I’ve used silk therapy. I’ve used hot oil treatments. I’ve curled my hair. I’ve straightened my hair. I’ve ironed my hair. I’ve braided my hair. I’ve had\want dreadlocks. I probably shouldn’t dye my hair anymore.
School I’ve thrown something at a teacher. I’ve yelled at a teacher. I’ve been suspended. I’ve had an in-school suspension. I’ve been sent to the principal’s office. I’ve walked out of class. I’ve skipped an entire day of school. I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class. I’ve failed a test. -Before high school. I’ve cheated on a test. I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test. I’ve failed Art. I’ve failed P.E. I’ve failed Math. I’ve failed Science. I’ve failed another class. A teacher has called my parents. I’ve been caught skipping. I’ve been on the honor roll.
“hey, kel. sorry i keep calling u and hangign up on you. im driving around idiots. my phone is voice activated, so everytime i yell "cocksucker!" it calls you.”—Kim, my mom’s best friend. Isn’t texting while driving illegal? Since my mom read my texts, I felt it was only fair to read hers, too. The first message in the inbox was as far as I needed to go. I wonder what my mom is listed in her phone as… xD
Get it? People walk all over me because I’m too nice of a person to say anything about it. And when I do stand up for myself, people think I’m being rude, bitchy, or a spaz. And I let them get mad at me. Why? Because my body is covered in footsteps.
Last night I went to the Dave Melillo show with mah boy Matty P and had an awesome time. Got Dave to play The First Single, Born To Run, American Girl, and Party In The USA. Also, I joined him on stage to sing Don’t Stop Believin. Totally awesome time.
I also had a mini-photoshoot with him at a booth at the bar. Him and I talked for about 5 minutes, and then he had to go get ready for his set with Nocturnal Me. Welllll, I took live shots of NM and everything, and they were awesome. So again, fun night.
I get on my computer about 10 minutes ago and check my twitter to see that most of the pictures I took of Nocturnal Me got posted on their MySpace, and a photo I took of Dave got posted on his. I got cred and everything!
This kind of thing pumps me up so much! So much that it doesn’t even phase me that I might get kicked out of Fraser Singers. :X.
The jellyfish. It swims through the salty, murky ocean without a thought. The jellyfish. It swims unnoticed.
A jellyfish. The heartless, brainless, bloodless, sleepless, thoughtless, jellyfish. How do they survive? What do they do? Can they think? They’re mysteries to the world as we know it.
At least, that’s how they see you. A mystery. No heart, no brain, no blood, no breath. They think that you, like a jellyfish, can’t think. They think you’re losing what used to make you, you. What used to make you interesting. What used to give you opinion. What used to make youhuman.
I, however, see you a bit differently. Still as a mystery, but more of a miracle. Armed with a heart bigger and stronger than I’ve ever seen. Built with a brain full of so many doors and windows, I struggle even to knock on one. I don’t see you like they do. Not like a mindless, thoughtless jellyfish. Not even as human. Maybe a little more than that. Not divine, but not human. I see you as a beautiful creature, with close to no flaws. Always thinking. Always interesting. Always nothing but yourself.
So if you’re not human, and you’re not a jellyfish, what are you? Who are you?
As of now, I have the opportunity to take you or leave you. The opportunity to find out what makes you tick. To explore every aspect of you. Even if that takes until the day that I stop breathing. Even if I never find out what you are. And I wouldn’t pass that up. Not for the world. Because that’s what you mean to me.
The jellyfish continues to roam the sea, unappreciated. And we continue to ignore it. We continue to take the jellyfish for granted. The heartless, brainless, bloodless, sleepless, thoughtless, jellyfish. A mystery to the world as we know it, taken for granted.
Does every freshman girl tell or ask me something about my best friends? I just got a text that read “hey i just saw dancox walking on 14.” Why does anyone think I give a flying flapjack? It’s so weird. Nobody even has normal conversations with me anymore. Just people asking me about Kenny, or telling me about Dan or Jake or somebody. I don’t care. I know them well enough to not be interested in what other people think of them, or want to know about them. So stop asking/telling me. It’s just annoying.
By the way, Kenny is not Kenny-Benny. So like, stop calling him that.
I guess I could understand why everyone talks/asks me about Dan, though.