And I’ve reached a conclusion on what’s been bothering me, but couldn’t figure out. I’m alone. So, completely alone. I could be in the biggest room full of understanding people, but I’d still be alone.
And the one time I feel accepted with an old best friend, a brotherly figure, and new best friend, I now feel as though they’ll be taken away from me from the same person who always takes anyone I take an interest in.
I want to be rational, and I want to be accepting, and I want to be fair, but then I look at this person. And I think “Why am I being cool with you?” because she simply takes everything of mine, or that I think I’m getting a grasp on.
It’s like, they just don’t understand how hard it is for me. And as much as they know it hurts me to be around her, and how it hurts me to even hear of her, they’ve become best friends with her overnight, and I’m so scared. And it’s like, almost that they don’t respect me and just not talk to her.
But I know its their lives. And I know it’s their decisions who they do and don’t like. And that’s not anything I should have the ability to affect. But I have no where to turn anymore.
I’m tired of losing.
I’m tired of letting everyone else win.
I’m tired of sitting back and watching my life worsen.
I’m tired of not saying anything to help myself.
And I’m definitely tired of her.