It’s times like these when I just want to be numb everywhere. I want to tell you everything. I’m breaking down, and you don’t even understand. We need to be selfless. I need you to feel me. Don’t you feel this?
The older I get the more I realize that a healthy dose of social apathy has done me good. The day I stopped trying to be someone and became myself, was one of the better ones. I might not have as many friends as I once did, but I’m a hell of a lot happier. The older I get the more I realize that…
And that’s what we’re in. The dark. The cold veil above us is fading away, I can see. It’s a miracle. I can see. You’re standing in front of me. I can feel your warmth. I lean in. I can feel your cool. I shiver. It’s coming over me. I tear up.
You tell me not to cry. My tear ducts have a change of heart. I have a change of heart. I’ve never been this hurt before. Not even when I jumped off the biggest slide I knew and broke my arm. Not even when I stubbed my pinky toe on the sharpest corner in my house. Not even when the spout of my bathtub cut a giant long slit in my back.
Not even when I fell for you.
Nothing looks like you in the dark. I can almost see you now. Why do you look so different? I lean in one last time. I reach out for you. You’re not in the mood. I reach out again and again. I see my hand in front of me, but just barely. I’m fading. Take my hand while you can. Pull me back. I’m disappearing. Take me back. Hold my hand. Embrace me for as long as you can. You’re going to lose me. Please don’t lose me. You know what you circled.
I wake up tearing out the seams of my own bed sheets.