They say people who live in Michigan are likely depressed from the lack of sun.
How he knew I was smart enough not to do it, I don’t think I’ll ever know. Whether it was trust, instinct, or even just simply carelessness.
Whatever it was, I’m glad it wasn’t what I was originally hoping for. Sympathy and empathy aren’t legitimate. They don’t change anything. I learned how to swim before I completely drown myself.
People say it’s darkest before the sun rises, but I’m not sure about that. All I know is that every moment I spend thinking about something besides killing myself is absolute bliss.
There are things to live for. Such as the trees, the sky, the wind, and if that’s not enough reasons there are others.
Music reminds me that I’m not the only person on the world who wants to kill themselves. Music reminds me of all the beautiful things. Music reminds me that despite my losses, I’m not done yet.
There’s a boy whose laugh makes me laugh, and whose acceptance and understanding helps me grow into a better, stronger, smarter person.
There’s a girl whose friendship gives me comfort and makes me feel normal again. That gives me something to look forward to.
The trees remind me that there’s no reason to die. Not everyone is going to be able to understand. Life is not going to wait around for me. I have to catch up.
This morning I saw the trees.
Our dear friend the artist Mike Kelley (born 1954 in Detroit) has passed away. Unstintingly passionate, habitually outspoken and immeasurably creative in every genre or material with which he took up—and that was most of them, from performance and sculpture to painting, installation and video, from experimental music to writing in a thousand voices—Mike was an irresistible force in contemporary art and the wider culture. For Mike, history existed only to be reconstructed, memory was selective, faulty and willful and life itself vibrant but often dysfunctional.
Kelley Studio and Emi Fontana, Kourosh Larizadeh, Paul and Karen McCarthy, Fredrik Nilsen, Anita Pace, Jim Shaw, Mary Clare Stevens, Marnie Weber, John C. Welchman [for all Mike’s many friends near and far], Mike Kelley, Artist, Passes Away, for ForYourArt, February 2012.
